Well... I Work With An Australian...

So, here's the story folks, buckle your seat belts, you're in for a long and wild ride.


It's been a number of months now, I guess, since I decided and applied to study at the Hillsong International Leadership College. I think it was April/May that it all started, but that's not all that important.

So since then, it's been crazy crazy crazy preparing and praying and preparing and praying and crying out and growing and stuff of the sort. There's been lots of, "God! Get in gear man! Let's go!!!" Thank goodness he is patient, graceful, and merciful. Heh heh heh...

I was very determined, as those of you who know me know, I can be like that. This was my golden ticket, my future, my training ground, my launching pad, my destiny point, the place of first contact (must I go on?). I was going to go to Hillsong and get the best worship training in the world from one of the biggest most famous churches and get this diploma that would give me the recognition and skill and experience that I wanted and that my destiny "needed".
Oh, it was up to God what to do with me, and my destiny was his, but it was his within the parameters that I had set. Funny how we do that eh?
"God, I'm not putting you in a box, you can move however you want, as long as you move in this part of my life."
A box is a box, whatever shape you make it, whatever you colour it, however big or small you make it, it's a box.

This was me. This was my logic. But wait, there's more!

Fear is interesting isn't it? It's a blinder, fear is. And the thing about fear is, when it blinds us, we seem to think that we see so clearly and that we're just being smart and "learning from the past". You see, in my ignorance and fear, I seemed to think that without Hillsong, the destiny, the dream, the vision I had for my life just couldn't come about. Without going to Hillsong and getting that paper, that training, that experience, my life would be a wreck. It was my only hope, it was all I wanted. It really was.
Fear is like air in a balloon. The more you fear, the more air you're putting in that balloon. Well, that balloon is your peace and faith and joy and sanity. The more you put into that balloon, the more stretched it becomes. If you don't let it out, it will pop you.

I had gotten to a point of being crazily stretched and just like that balloon, it was very uncomfortable. It looked good on the outside though, just keep telling people how good God is and how he's able to support me regardless and if he calls and I answer, he's obliged. It looks good on the outside, but if you don't let out the air nonetheless, you're still gonna pop.
That was me, secretly ready to pop.

Over American Thanksgiving, here in Toronto, there was a young adult conference at TACF called Heavy Rain. I felt, kind of last minute, that I should go. I wanted to go. My friends were going. I needed to recharge. Yes, I'll go.
So I went
It was AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING! Very good times. Good times with friends, good times with the church, and good times with Father.
So there I am, it's the second day of the conference (a 3 day one), and I'm stretched, and I had to tell someone that I was close to popping. So I grab my cell leader Mark and ask him if I could talk with him cause I "have some stuff on my heart I need to talk about".
We went to a more private place in a nice comfortable room, and I just deflated a little, enough for him to get a sense of how stretched I really was.

Have you ever been talking with someone about something, and, to him, it's about that something, but he says something about something else, and you realize, "Aha! That's what the issue's really about here."?
I told Mark about the fear thing about how if I don't go my life is over, etc.. I brought up the face that my last college experience was rough and ended badly and totally broke me, and I just couldn't have that happen, I couldn't "fail" again, I couldn't have dropped out of two programs.
Aha!
He picks it out easily. Anyways, we go through some forgiveness for people who hurt me during college, I'm weeping and getting tears and snot everywhere. All this is fear is now being broken off of me because I let go of a hurt.
Now, here I am, in this broken, vulnerable, messy place where I'm so deflated from letting out this fear and hurt that I'd been holding onto for so long without even knowing it, and what does Mark do? I'll never forget it. He starts speaking some of the most encouraging things anyone ever has to me. Every weak spot, every insecurity I had had in the past while is totally hit as he says nice thing after nice thing to encourage me, just when I thought I had a chance to stop weeping. Again, this encouragement was just breaking down walls and breaking down that fear that I wouldn't have a life if I couldn't go to Australia.

So, after that was all said and done and I was able to speak like a human, I went on with the rest of the conference, went through some really cool things spiritually in a soaking session the next day and just got so much more of God, my eyes seemed to be opened.
All of the sudden, it would be okay if I stayed. (insert gasp here) I know! I thought to myself, "Here's what I'll do: If God makes it clear to me, in what ever way he sees fit, to go, I'll go, if he does it to stay, I'll stay, but it's up to him."

A couple days after the conference was the TACF volunteer appreciation dinner. Now, TACF North York's lovely Pastor, Linda Cho, had insisted that I come. I was tired and was weary of being embarrassed by the leaders at this type of event, as which is custom, so I wasn't originally going to, but, you please the people you like. As I suspected, I was publicly embarrassed, I was called up to receive one of the awards and was just so thankful and felt so loved. That night (before the award) we had a worship time. In that worship time, I felt God whisper into my heart, "Matt, I'm going to give you the resources and ability to decide whether you stay or go. It will be your decision not mine."
As if I needed to tear up anymore eh?
God is really nice though, he doesn't leave us stranded on major life decisions, luckily, he leans our hearts and makes it easier.
It's interesting how, the entire time I prayed for favour for Australia, I kept finding more favour here. The Lord works in such "mysterious" ways eh?

So, over a period of about a week or two, I eventually decided, "Hey, life is pretty sweet, why don't I stay? Yes, I think I'll stay. Yay! I'm staying!!!"

I first told my family, then my cell and some of my close friends and leaders/pastors, then some more important leaders and pastors and then EVERYONE!

I feel good about it, it comes with things to deal with, but God is good and those things are working out well!

I work with an Aussi, maybe I'll minister and learn from him, I figure that's gotta count for something...?


So... with that being said, this will be the last post on this Australia blog, and I will no longer be adding to it. I won't delete it though.
This post will also be on my normal blog, which I will be starting back up again, and as always, I'm going to try and keep up with my devotional/bible study blog.

Cheers mates!

Drum Roll Please...

So, this is a just a little post to announce the following:

I might not be going to Sydney, as it is.  I still might, it's in the air, and as far you probably know, I'm going.  

Here's some information on the topic...

I recently went through some serious release and deliverance of fear regarding the whole Australia/Hillsong thing.  I had this notion in my head that if I didn't go my life would be over.  A lot of it, I think, was also tied to hurts that I hadn't dealt with properly from my last college experience.  So after a good sob session where I poured my guts out to my good friend Mark, and got poured into, I came away so much lighter and freer.  I let go and died to this dream and determination that it was Hillsong or death (not literal death, just death to my destiny; destiny death), and have settled into a nice little peaceful place of:  going or not, I'm good, and God will bless me and make the way.

I have made up my mind on whether I'm going or staying, and have started trickling the decision out to the appropriate sources in stages, and, alas general public, you are the last.

Stay tuned, the decision will be made openly public in less than two weeks (hopefully)!

Ciao! 

The Showdown

In the left corner, measuring 6 feet tall and much too heavy; the ugly, the evil, the oh so annoying:
Maaaaaaaaaaat's FEAR!

And in your right corner, measuring an equal 6 feet tall and not nearly heavy enough; the promising, the peaceful, and the oh so calm:
Maaaaaaaaaaat's FAITH!

It's quite a fight folks and it's looking to be a long one, but someone must cave, and someone must win!

Dum Dum Dum!

So, as you may be guessing, this blog is about fear vs. faith.

Here's where I'm at:

The England stopover is looking kind of bleak, as the $ just aint a flowing.

I'm suppose to be leaving in less than 50 days (HOLY CRAP!) and I still don't have a plane ticket... anywhere.

I have applied my passport and will be picking it up shortly.

I still have to book final doctor's appointments and get a test/x-ray done for my Aussie Visa, which I still have to apply and pay for ($400!).

I have finished my application and have sent all the final documents to the government for the OSAP and am waiting impatiently.

I am not working nearly enough hours to break even, never mind save money or have extra.

I need clothing and shoes and other things, badly.

I need to figure out some kind of a going away party with my friends/family and plan and have that.

I need to solidify certain arrangement in Australia so that I have a place to live and furniture to live with and sleep on.

I need to pack up my life.

And who knows what else! Oh, right, pray and fast my big arse off that everything goes down relatively smoothly. I'm also short about half the money I'll need just for the first year, assuming I get the full amount of money that OSAP should be giving me.

Just a sec...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Right, sorry, just had to get that out of my system.

Back to my original point.

FAITH VS FEAR!

I've really been struggling with this recently, and let me tell you, it sucks like a jet engine vacuum cleaner, the kind I'd imagine they use in space.

I'm torn between this thing called humanity, and this thing called supernaturality (that's a word I just made up, BOOM!). Part of me is pulling its hair out saying, "How do I make this work? How can I make this work? This isn't going to work! I think I want to cry."

And yet, another part of me is saying, "Chill out dude, God is in control! This is his vision for you and he's responsible and faithful to fulfil it man! Just keep your faith in him. Everything's going to be alright!"

I found myself in a time of reflection and prayer recently meditating on my whole dire need situation. I was thinking to myself, "I'm not going to give up, no matter what the circumstances look like. I'm not going to let my not having a plane ticket dictate whether or not I go" (sounds crazy, I know) "If it comes to it, I will pack my bags, pack up my life, and sit in the airport and wait for God to do something."

And I meant it, and I still do.

So, I guess what it comes down to is this:

No matter how hard fear hits faith, faith is going to win, because faith is backed up my God, and fear is backed up by nothing. Fear is going to get hits in, and they're going to hurt. They're going to shake you, maybe cause you to fall for a moment. Fear may even win a round, but Faith will Always, Always win the fight.

-Matt

Time Machine

"If I only had a time machine, what changes I would make

If I could slow down the rushing winds of time

If I could control the clock's tick-tocking

If I could tell the future to slow it down

Tell the past to change itself

Tell the present to just hold on

If I only had a time machine"

-Matt Mitchell

So I leave for Australia in seventy days. That's not a lot of time. That's a little under two and a half months. What can be done in two and a half months? Let's make a little list:

...

...

Not much, I guess.

Not much at all. This seems to be the problem, not much can be done. There is still so much to do though, so where does this leave me? Frustrated and afraid. I should say that that's where it would tend to leave me, but I refuse to be left in a place like that, not all too friendly a place to be left at all! So, after being left there I decided to move. I would move from frustration and fear to faith and confidence. Hmmm, yes, faith and confidence is a much nicer place to be left, looking around it seems much more pleasant. There is less darkness here, it is sunnier and brighter, and it smells better too (gotta love metaphors).

Here are things still left to do:

Obtain passport

Schedule doctors appointments

Obtain student visa

Book plane ticket

Work out kinks and obtain student loan from OSAP

Have enough money (kind of an important one, eh?)

Dump cell phone contract

Get my G2

Pack

Leave

And I'm sure a bunch of other things I just can't be bothered to fathom and worry about right now.

-insert long, sad sigh here-

So yes. Yes, yes yes.

I believe that God is good. I believe he is eternally and endlessly faithful and will see this through and make a way.
Some good news, breaks of sunshine on the horizon:

I got a new job starting a couple weeks making a significantly better wage.
Someone from my parents' church told me that she would give me some money.

Awesome things that just show God's great grace, mercy, favour, and faithfulness.
I believe in miracles! And it's not because of some sexy thing, just in case you were wondering, it's because God is God. Just thought I'd make that clear. Good!

Okay, so, I don't know if anyone reads these, but if you've gotten this far, congratulations and thank you! Please pray for me, and help me. Please help me. I love you!

Shalom!

Poem For Your Thoughts?

So, I was going to write a song, and this came out.  I figured it was more a poem than a lyric for music and song, so I wrote as such.  I can't think of a title for it, but maybe that's a good thing, some poems aren't meant to have titles.  It's a bit of a change of pace from my devotions, but it's a bit of a plea to God, so we'll count it as such and leave it in here.  It's also going in another blog of mine.  

Old men are crying as young men are dying 

The world is all lying and they do it all smiling 

The children, in awe of the world they'll inherit 

One without honour without love without merit

They look at the stars and in curiosity wonder 

Will they be the ones to fix all our blunders?

What did they do to deserve it all? 

Such big problems for their hearts so small 

Maybe it will get better, maybe God will come through 

He always seems to know what to do

So why don't we talk to him, on our knees we will pray 

Oh God, would you come and show us the way? 

Would you be like superman and save the day? 

All we want is to go out and play!

And God will look down, with a smile on his face 

He'll know that in this troubled world, still some have his faith 

And maybe if we repent and turn from our ways

He'll come heal our land and bless the rest of our days

My next devotion is going to be on favour, but I'm still working on it.  Stay tuned!

Watch out North York!

So, just a little blog here about what's been going on recently.

I'm still planning and praying (fervently) for my preparations for Hillsong College.  I'm still in need, desperately, and still putting my faith in God to come through with all the finances and things.

But in the meantime, here in Toronto, the newest and coolest thing right now is my new church TACF North York.  We just launched last Sunday and we've been having lots of fun!  God has been moving and is doing some cool stuff.  Awesomely cool, amazing, fantastic leaders and people.  I love 'em!  It's so nice to be so included, welcomed, needed, and appreciated there with people like me who like me!  Not to mention that I am learning so much about God, ministry, and life and stuff there.  God has been testing me too, he's been getting me to surrender more and taking me out of myself, tearing me away from my will and self.  Especially with service, music and my guitar.  But he is faithful, and rewarding!  Next Sunday I'm sharing in cell group and I'm playing in worship with a good friend of mine whom I've wanted to play with for a long time!  

God is good, and he'll come through!  I can't wait for him to just blow me away and take me to a new level.  

If you live in Toronto, or the Toronto area, come by North York one Sunday night!  We meet in the bottom of the civic centre right next to Mel Lastman Square at 6 pm.  It's good times!