So, I'm writing this blog, for the heck of it.
Then I thought to myself. "Hmmm, 'for the heck of it.'"
I think right now, to be completely honest, I'm living for the heck of it. I'm not quite sure what that means. I think it means I'm just waiting for the next big thing to come along. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I'm kind of waiting for a direction, a path, a plan, a "something" to develop for me to put myself into. I mean, right now, it's just work, do the best I can at that; do church stuff; try and deal with family stuff; and try and have some fun. There's no specific goal I'm working toward like school, or promotion, or career, or anything like that. I'd like to move out at some point, but that's not something I can do quite yet, so for now, it's just, well, "for the heck of it."
I mean, yes, I live for the glory of God and to try and be the best I can and be the most like him I can. But, you do that no matter what direction your education, or career, or family life, or what have you, takes you. That's basic. What am I working toward to produce a living on this earth?
What am I building?
These are things that I'm pondering, when my heart has time away from dealing with all the crap right now. So, there ya go. I just blogged that, "for the heck of it."
I guess, we'll just have to see what's next.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Not Phased
I'm finding that I'm not phased by much recently. I'm having a bit of a "yeah, whatever" kind of reaction to most things recently. Perhaps it's because there's just too much in my heart to really allow more in to have impact in it. There's too much junk, too much worry, too much fear, too much frustration, too much loneliness, too much... crap.
We found out last week that my grandfather has advanced lung cancer. We don't know how much longer he has. I'm phased by that. Not as much as I will be when he's actually gone, but, please, let's not go there.
It's hard to try and allow your heart to be phased by everything around you. Perhaps I'm a little too walled up at the moment, but I do think that it's not actually that great to allow all the world and its issues and ups and downs have much sway on you. I guess it's all about why it doesn't affect you.
Right now, there's just too much weight, too much junk, too much of, well, too much.
Meh... whatever.
We found out last week that my grandfather has advanced lung cancer. We don't know how much longer he has. I'm phased by that. Not as much as I will be when he's actually gone, but, please, let's not go there.
It's hard to try and allow your heart to be phased by everything around you. Perhaps I'm a little too walled up at the moment, but I do think that it's not actually that great to allow all the world and its issues and ups and downs have much sway on you. I guess it's all about why it doesn't affect you.
Right now, there's just too much weight, too much junk, too much of, well, too much.
Meh... whatever.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Somedays...
You just want to give up, don't you?
Just stop and put your head down, or lie down in your bed, or just stop where you are, sit down and put your head in your hands and just let out a deep breath. You don't want to keep walking, or talking, or typing, or doing anything really, you just want to stop.
Then you keep going, because people aren't allowed to just stop. That would mean a lot less getting done, but a lot more peaceful people. In the end though, wouldn't the increase in peaceful people lead to an increase in productive people? I don't know, such things are not for men such as I to ponder, I suppose...
You keep going. You go until you get to the bus stop, or until you can hang up the phone, or until you can leave for the day, or until you can go to sleep at night (or in the morning). Then, you know, that next time, it will take just that little bit more until you feel like you have to give up. You know that you can get to that point where you were the last time you felt like giving up without doing it, but now you've got to go just a bit further. I wonder how much we can take. I wonder how far we can go? How far can we go before we need to give up on giving up giving up?
Is giving up so wrong?
Sometimes I, the mighty infallible Matt Mitchell, want to give up. Shocking, I know. I never talk about needing help or giving up, and I wonder if people know that I'm like them and sometimes I want to give up too. Sometimes I do give up, so to speak. Sometimes at work, I need to get up and get out of my chair. I need to take a break. Isn't taking a break just another form of giving up? It's like giving up for a bit, but with control and acceptance.
What does it even mean to give up? I mean, to truly give up, one would have to end one's life, I guess.
I like to give up a moment to giving up. Or maybe give up two.
I'm rambling, I know. So, heck, I give up. I give everything I have up to God, so that when I do need to give up, at least somebody is still holding on to the things I was holding on to, and now he's holding on to me too. Sigh...
Just stop and put your head down, or lie down in your bed, or just stop where you are, sit down and put your head in your hands and just let out a deep breath. You don't want to keep walking, or talking, or typing, or doing anything really, you just want to stop.
Then you keep going, because people aren't allowed to just stop. That would mean a lot less getting done, but a lot more peaceful people. In the end though, wouldn't the increase in peaceful people lead to an increase in productive people? I don't know, such things are not for men such as I to ponder, I suppose...
You keep going. You go until you get to the bus stop, or until you can hang up the phone, or until you can leave for the day, or until you can go to sleep at night (or in the morning). Then, you know, that next time, it will take just that little bit more until you feel like you have to give up. You know that you can get to that point where you were the last time you felt like giving up without doing it, but now you've got to go just a bit further. I wonder how much we can take. I wonder how far we can go? How far can we go before we need to give up on giving up giving up?
Is giving up so wrong?
Sometimes I, the mighty infallible Matt Mitchell, want to give up. Shocking, I know. I never talk about needing help or giving up, and I wonder if people know that I'm like them and sometimes I want to give up too. Sometimes I do give up, so to speak. Sometimes at work, I need to get up and get out of my chair. I need to take a break. Isn't taking a break just another form of giving up? It's like giving up for a bit, but with control and acceptance.
What does it even mean to give up? I mean, to truly give up, one would have to end one's life, I guess.
I like to give up a moment to giving up. Or maybe give up two.
I'm rambling, I know. So, heck, I give up. I give everything I have up to God, so that when I do need to give up, at least somebody is still holding on to the things I was holding on to, and now he's holding on to me too. Sigh...
Monday, August 4, 2008
22 and still kicking
Yes, I know, it's not that old.
I've never been 22 before ('no duh', I know, I'm being clever), and I'm trying to figure it out. Is there really anything to figure out? Hmmm.... Does each year have it's own uniqueness, or is that just the cliche we quote to make every year feel special and memorable? Oh well...
I was listening to the radio today in the car on the way to pick up my new computer (oh yeah, I got a new computer. It's flippin' sweet!) and heard a short list of famous people also born on August 4th. Here're some of them:
I had a smashing party last night. I invited about 180 friends to come and eat and drink and be merry with me at the Fox & Firkin pub. I was expecting about 30 people, and nearly 40 showed! Some people I didn't know, some I didn't expect, and some I wouldn't expected to be anywhere else. It was amazing. I love my friends, and they love me (as the evidence showed). How great is our God to bless me with such an amazing smörgåsbord of people in my life!
All this to say, I am 22, God bless me, and I can't wait to see what this next year of life brings. There's a precedent set for God's goodness in my life, and I'm quite excited to see him pass it.
I've never been 22 before ('no duh', I know, I'm being clever), and I'm trying to figure it out. Is there really anything to figure out? Hmmm.... Does each year have it's own uniqueness, or is that just the cliche we quote to make every year feel special and memorable? Oh well...
I was listening to the radio today in the car on the way to pick up my new computer (oh yeah, I got a new computer. It's flippin' sweet!) and heard a short list of famous people also born on August 4th. Here're some of them:
- 1900 - Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, (Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother), Queen consort of George VI of the United Kingdom (d. 2002)
- 1901 - Louis Armstrong, American jazz musician (d. 1971)
- 1961 - Barack Obama, American politician
- 1962 - Roger Clemens, American baseball player
- 1971 - Jeff Gordon, American race car driver
I had a smashing party last night. I invited about 180 friends to come and eat and drink and be merry with me at the Fox & Firkin pub. I was expecting about 30 people, and nearly 40 showed! Some people I didn't know, some I didn't expect, and some I wouldn't expected to be anywhere else. It was amazing. I love my friends, and they love me (as the evidence showed). How great is our God to bless me with such an amazing smörgåsbord of people in my life!
All this to say, I am 22, God bless me, and I can't wait to see what this next year of life brings. There's a precedent set for God's goodness in my life, and I'm quite excited to see him pass it.
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