"I love you." It's a strange sentence. Why is it so awkward to say? Or is it just me?
I find it awkward saying it to even my own family and closest friends. It's also a little awkward to hear, isn't it? As children, it seems to come easier. Perhaps it's because our view of love as children is so much simpler. You're nice, you make my life good and I enjoy spending time with you. That's the child's view of love. So as long as you meet those criteria, after a short time, you can probably hear a small child saying that he or she loves you. All that the dictionary defines it as are:
1.) a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.) a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
(Those are the top two definitions)
Our view of love seems to be more complicated though. Or is it? Forgive my backpedaling, I'm writing as I'm thinking (which is the way to blog, I think.) Is love as an adult actually more complicated than that, or just the conditions that we allow ourselves to admit that we love?
I can't think of much more to add to love than that. I mean, there is SO much more to love than that. There's selflessness for the other, there's a desire to serve and give to and live for that person with all that you have. There's being completely comfortable around that person and being able to be yourself and expect them to do the same. There's a lot to loving someone. But at the core, isn't it really just, you make my life good and I enjoy spending time with you? If those things really are true about that person, isn't there some feeling of like involved? Now, there needs to be a profound or intense degree of those things for it to be love, and not just like, but if I think of it, I love the people I love because they are amazing people who I love spending time with them and they make my life (and my self) better with their presence. I love people for who they are. If I think of someone in particular that I love, and ask myself why I love them, I start to think of all their amazing attributes and all the amazing things they've done for me in my life.
So, in the end, I don't think it's actually the word love that makes it awkward to say, I think it's the implications. Which is back to the point I was originally going to make, it's not love that's actually complicated, it's our experiences and feelings and beliefs about love that make it complicated, and then make it awkward to say or hear.
It's awkward for me to say to even my closest guy friends, "I love you buddy." Now, my friends will tell you I'm lying, because I do say it, and it seems to come quite easily, but it actually doesn't. It seems like it comes quite easy because it's not that awkward. I push past the awkwardness quite easily, actually. There's still just that little bit of awkwardness though.
I'm not lying when I say it. I'm not implying anything more than that I think they're awesome and I enjoy spending time with them and that they make my life great. They know that. They know these things, and they hear me say, "I love you," often. So they probably would wonder why I'd say I find it awkward. It simply has to do with my past with that word. Both with what has been associated with it and what hasn't.
I think this is what makes love hard to face for all of us. With the greatest affection for someone else comes the greatest risk of hurt. With the greatest affection for someone else comes the most selflessness and self-sacrificing thoughts and feelings and actions. With the greatest affection for someone else comes the most vulnerability and openness. These can be scary things. Often we've had bad experiences or experienced bad things on others' behalf on the topic of love. Sometimes we trust in our fear of these things more than the person we love, or in love itself. I think that that is where the fear of love, especially of admitting it, comes from. Once we deal with our fears and false expectations of self, others, and ultimately, love, we can move on and really allow ourselves to love and be loved, and to go forth saying and hearing in perfect confidence, "I love you."
I'm working on it. God is helping. Friends are helping. I'm working on it, are you? Would you like to?
-Matt
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
'Christian'
I just bought C.S. Lewis' 'Mere Christianity.' I've only made it to the end of the first chapter, and already, I'm loving it. Expect many more blogs with quotes from this book and on the topics it discusses.
On this, the first of such blogs, I want to post on the topic of the word Christian.
From Lewis' preface:
Far deeper objections may be felt-and have been expressed-against my use of the word Christian to mean one who accepts the common doctrines of Christianity. People ask: 'Who are you, to lay down who is, and who is not a Christian?' or 'May not many a man who cannot believe these doctrines be far more truly a Christian, far closer to the spirit of Christ, than some who do?' Now this objection is in one sense very right, very charitable, very spiritual, very sensitive. It has every available quality except that of being useful. We simply cannot , without disaster, use language as these objectors want us to use it. I will try to make this clear by the history of another, and very much less important, word.
The word gentlemen originally meant something recognisable; one who had a coat of arms and some landed property. When you called someone 'a gentleman' you were not paying him a compliment, but merely stating a fact. If you said he was not 'a gentleman' you were not insulting him, but giving information. There was no contradiction in saying that John was a liar and a gentleman; any more than there now is in saying that James is a fool and an M.A. But then there came people who said-so rightly, charitably, spiritually, sensitively, so anything but usefully-'Ah, but surely the important thing about a gentleman is not the coat of arms and the land, but the behaviour? Surely he is the true gentleman who behaves as a gentleman should? Surely in the sense Edward if far more truly a gentleman than John?' They meant well. To be honourable and courteous and brave is of course a far better thing than to have a coat of arms. But it is not the s ame thing. Worse still, it is not a thing everyone will agree about. To call a man 'a gentleman' in this new, refined sense, becomes, in fact, not a way of giving information about him, but a way of praising him: to deny that he is 'a gentleman' becomes simply a way of insulting him. When a word ceases to be a term of description and becomes merely a term of praise, it no longer tells you facts about the object. (A 'nice' meal only means a meal the speaker likes.) A gentleman, once it has been spiritualised and refined out of its old coarse, objective sense, means hardly more than a man whom the speaker likes. As a result, gentlean is now a uselss word. We had lots of terms of approval already, so it was not needed for that use; on the other hand if anyone (say, in a historical work) wants to use it in its old sense, he cannot do so without explanations. It has been spoiled for that purpose.
Now if once we allow people to start spiritualising and refining, or as they might say 'deepening', the sense of the word Christian, it too will speedily become a useless word. In the first place, Christians themselves will never be able to apply it to anyone. It is not for us to say who, in the deepest sense, is or is not close to the spirit of CHrist. We do not see into men's hearts. We cannot judge, and are indeed forbidden to judge. It would be wicked arrogance for us to say that any man is, or is not, a Christian in this refined sense. And obviously a word which we can never apply is not going to be a very useful word. As or the unbelievers, they will no doubt cheerfully use the word in the refind sense. It will become in their mouths simply a term of praise. In calling anyone a Christian they wil mean that they think of him a good man. But that way of using the word wll be no enrichment of the language, for we already have the word good. Meanwhile, the word Christian will have been spoiled for any really useful purpose it might have served.
We must therefore stick to the original, obvious meaning. The name Christians was first given at Antioch (Acts 11:26) to 'the disciples', to those who accpeted the teaching of the apostles. There is no question of its being restricted to those who profited by that teaching as much as they should have. There is no question of its being extended to those who in some refined, spiritual, inward fashion were 'far closer to the spirit of Christ' than the less satisfactory of the disciples. The point is not a theological or moral one. It is only a question of using words so that we an all understand what is being said. When a man who accepts the Christian doctrine lives unworthily of it, it is much clearer to say he is a bad Christian that to say he is not a Christian.
As my good friend Mark would say, "How good's that?"
I've had a debate or two on this topic, usually where the other person in the discussion is the "objector" that Lewis references. Words need to really mean something. In our culture of political correctness and the need of not merely tolerating and accepting other beliefs and point of views, but embracing and trying to somehow adopt them into our own while still maintaining just a shred of the original(s), we have stumbled upon a great predicament. How does one actually communicate what he is trying to say without saying all that he is not trying to say? In order to properly expalin or describe things, we are coming to a place of having to explain ourselves to the 'n'th degree. Things that could have easily been said in a few sentences now require entire paragraphs with prefaces and conclusions so as to be clear and polite and "charitable, spiritual, sensitive." I sometimes find this frustrating, and actually have a mixed stance on the issue. I'm one who wants everyone to feel acknowledged, heard, and understood. Part of doing that is speaking in a way that works for everyone and is clear and precise about what you are and aren't intending to communicate. While I believe in doing this, I've found I only need to because so many people don't think about the communicator's intentions, but of the words themselves alone.
This being said, I think it's up to each of us to examine what it means to us. What it means between you and God. You can use whatever term(s) you like to describe yourself and your faith to yourself, but let's keep the use of words accurate and proper, as Lewis implores.
Specifically on the point of the word Christian, this excerpt of preface has helped to give me some peace and sense on the use of it. I hope that you benefit from reading it here, and reading my thoughts on it.
On this, the first of such blogs, I want to post on the topic of the word Christian.
From Lewis' preface:
Far deeper objections may be felt-and have been expressed-against my use of the word Christian to mean one who accepts the common doctrines of Christianity. People ask: 'Who are you, to lay down who is, and who is not a Christian?' or 'May not many a man who cannot believe these doctrines be far more truly a Christian, far closer to the spirit of Christ, than some who do?' Now this objection is in one sense very right, very charitable, very spiritual, very sensitive. It has every available quality except that of being useful. We simply cannot , without disaster, use language as these objectors want us to use it. I will try to make this clear by the history of another, and very much less important, word.
The word gentlemen originally meant something recognisable; one who had a coat of arms and some landed property. When you called someone 'a gentleman' you were not paying him a compliment, but merely stating a fact. If you said he was not 'a gentleman' you were not insulting him, but giving information. There was no contradiction in saying that John was a liar and a gentleman; any more than there now is in saying that James is a fool and an M.A. But then there came people who said-so rightly, charitably, spiritually, sensitively, so anything but usefully-'Ah, but surely the important thing about a gentleman is not the coat of arms and the land, but the behaviour? Surely he is the true gentleman who behaves as a gentleman should? Surely in the sense Edward if far more truly a gentleman than John?' They meant well. To be honourable and courteous and brave is of course a far better thing than to have a coat of arms. But it is not the s ame thing. Worse still, it is not a thing everyone will agree about. To call a man 'a gentleman' in this new, refined sense, becomes, in fact, not a way of giving information about him, but a way of praising him: to deny that he is 'a gentleman' becomes simply a way of insulting him. When a word ceases to be a term of description and becomes merely a term of praise, it no longer tells you facts about the object. (A 'nice' meal only means a meal the speaker likes.) A gentleman, once it has been spiritualised and refined out of its old coarse, objective sense, means hardly more than a man whom the speaker likes. As a result, gentlean is now a uselss word. We had lots of terms of approval already, so it was not needed for that use; on the other hand if anyone (say, in a historical work) wants to use it in its old sense, he cannot do so without explanations. It has been spoiled for that purpose.
Now if once we allow people to start spiritualising and refining, or as they might say 'deepening', the sense of the word Christian, it too will speedily become a useless word. In the first place, Christians themselves will never be able to apply it to anyone. It is not for us to say who, in the deepest sense, is or is not close to the spirit of CHrist. We do not see into men's hearts. We cannot judge, and are indeed forbidden to judge. It would be wicked arrogance for us to say that any man is, or is not, a Christian in this refined sense. And obviously a word which we can never apply is not going to be a very useful word. As or the unbelievers, they will no doubt cheerfully use the word in the refind sense. It will become in their mouths simply a term of praise. In calling anyone a Christian they wil mean that they think of him a good man. But that way of using the word wll be no enrichment of the language, for we already have the word good. Meanwhile, the word Christian will have been spoiled for any really useful purpose it might have served.
We must therefore stick to the original, obvious meaning. The name Christians was first given at Antioch (Acts 11:26) to 'the disciples', to those who accpeted the teaching of the apostles. There is no question of its being restricted to those who profited by that teaching as much as they should have. There is no question of its being extended to those who in some refined, spiritual, inward fashion were 'far closer to the spirit of Christ' than the less satisfactory of the disciples. The point is not a theological or moral one. It is only a question of using words so that we an all understand what is being said. When a man who accepts the Christian doctrine lives unworthily of it, it is much clearer to say he is a bad Christian that to say he is not a Christian.
As my good friend Mark would say, "How good's that?"
I've had a debate or two on this topic, usually where the other person in the discussion is the "objector" that Lewis references. Words need to really mean something. In our culture of political correctness and the need of not merely tolerating and accepting other beliefs and point of views, but embracing and trying to somehow adopt them into our own while still maintaining just a shred of the original(s), we have stumbled upon a great predicament. How does one actually communicate what he is trying to say without saying all that he is not trying to say? In order to properly expalin or describe things, we are coming to a place of having to explain ourselves to the 'n'th degree. Things that could have easily been said in a few sentences now require entire paragraphs with prefaces and conclusions so as to be clear and polite and "charitable, spiritual, sensitive." I sometimes find this frustrating, and actually have a mixed stance on the issue. I'm one who wants everyone to feel acknowledged, heard, and understood. Part of doing that is speaking in a way that works for everyone and is clear and precise about what you are and aren't intending to communicate. While I believe in doing this, I've found I only need to because so many people don't think about the communicator's intentions, but of the words themselves alone.
This being said, I think it's up to each of us to examine what it means to us. What it means between you and God. You can use whatever term(s) you like to describe yourself and your faith to yourself, but let's keep the use of words accurate and proper, as Lewis implores.
Specifically on the point of the word Christian, this excerpt of preface has helped to give me some peace and sense on the use of it. I hope that you benefit from reading it here, and reading my thoughts on it.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas
Not "Happy Holidays," but Merry Christmas.
I hope it finds you blessed, happy, and healthy.
If you don't know it yet, Jesus came to earth to be born for us and to live for us and to die for us; for our sins. And he was resurrected after three days, breaking the power of sin and death.
Because he loves us. He loves you.
Merry Christmas.
-Matt Mitchell
I hope it finds you blessed, happy, and healthy.
If you don't know it yet, Jesus came to earth to be born for us and to live for us and to die for us; for our sins. And he was resurrected after three days, breaking the power of sin and death.
Because he loves us. He loves you.
Merry Christmas.
-Matt Mitchell
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Doing some thinking about doing and doing what I've been thinking.
I had a bit of a "revelation" recently. Why just think about and plan
what you want to do when you can actually do it? I've made some
decisions recently to do some of the things that I've wanted to do for
a little while. I've also set some timelines on some other things. A
while ago I talked to the guys in my cell group about goals and dreams
and about just going for it in life. So I've made some decisions to
start doing some things for next year. I'd like to start playing live
in coffee shops and stuff. So I'm writing more songs and practicing
more. I'm going to be taking voice lessons again shortly too. I've
started practicing some design skills on the computer again. I've made
some new spiritual commitments with some friends. I'm trying to take
better care of my health. I'm trying to be the man I want to be and do
the things I want to do.
I recently lost my last grandparent, my mom'e father. He wasn't a
Christian, but he lived his life the way he wanted. On his terms. He
did what he wanted when he wanted to do it.
It's time for me to really seize life. Another thing I really want to
do more of is talk to people about Jesus. It's fun and so important,
and is definitely something I need to do more.
Jesus never lived a hesitant life, he just went and did all the he
knew he was supposed to do. That's how I want to live. And that's
how I'm going go live. Won't you join me?
what you want to do when you can actually do it? I've made some
decisions recently to do some of the things that I've wanted to do for
a little while. I've also set some timelines on some other things. A
while ago I talked to the guys in my cell group about goals and dreams
and about just going for it in life. So I've made some decisions to
start doing some things for next year. I'd like to start playing live
in coffee shops and stuff. So I'm writing more songs and practicing
more. I'm going to be taking voice lessons again shortly too. I've
started practicing some design skills on the computer again. I've made
some new spiritual commitments with some friends. I'm trying to take
better care of my health. I'm trying to be the man I want to be and do
the things I want to do.
I recently lost my last grandparent, my mom'e father. He wasn't a
Christian, but he lived his life the way he wanted. On his terms. He
did what he wanted when he wanted to do it.
It's time for me to really seize life. Another thing I really want to
do more of is talk to people about Jesus. It's fun and so important,
and is definitely something I need to do more.
Jesus never lived a hesitant life, he just went and did all the he
knew he was supposed to do. That's how I want to live. And that's
how I'm going go live. Won't you join me?
Matt
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
A question of existence? Sort of, but not really...
Have you ever felt like you're not a real person? Perhaps that's not the best way of putting it. Do you sometimes, or maybe often, feel alone in your struggles? In your thoughts. Maybe not even in your thoughts themselves, but in the way you think them. I hope this makes sense to you, I think it does for me.
It's like a feeling of lonely uniqueness. It's a feeling of isolation and independance that you just want to do away with. It just kind of pops up here and there. You're just sitting there, going through your routine, and you just realize: "I'm me. That's all I am. It's all I have and all I can be. I'm not quite sure how much I really like it, but I'm a little alone in it."
And you're right. I mean, to an extent. I just finished watching 'About a Boy' again. It's true, no man is an island, and we all need people. It's definitely true. And I do have friends and loved ones. There are people who care about me who are there to help me out.
But I'm the only one in my head. I'm the only one in my heart (aside from God). I'm the only one who has to listen to all the crap I think. The only one who has to feel all the crap I feel. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. Sometimes I wish there was someone else in there with me to tell me that it's okay to feel those things.
I envy married people. I know that even when you're married you're still alone in there, but you do have someone you can talk to about anything that comes up there. That's what I'd like. Just someone to "let in" unconditionally. How sweet would that be!?
Just some thoughts...
-Matt
It's like a feeling of lonely uniqueness. It's a feeling of isolation and independance that you just want to do away with. It just kind of pops up here and there. You're just sitting there, going through your routine, and you just realize: "I'm me. That's all I am. It's all I have and all I can be. I'm not quite sure how much I really like it, but I'm a little alone in it."
And you're right. I mean, to an extent. I just finished watching 'About a Boy' again. It's true, no man is an island, and we all need people. It's definitely true. And I do have friends and loved ones. There are people who care about me who are there to help me out.
But I'm the only one in my head. I'm the only one in my heart (aside from God). I'm the only one who has to listen to all the crap I think. The only one who has to feel all the crap I feel. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. Sometimes I wish there was someone else in there with me to tell me that it's okay to feel those things.
I envy married people. I know that even when you're married you're still alone in there, but you do have someone you can talk to about anything that comes up there. That's what I'd like. Just someone to "let in" unconditionally. How sweet would that be!?
Just some thoughts...
-Matt
Sunday, November 2, 2008
An hour a day....
So today is fall daylight savings time day, where our clocks go back an hour and we all wake up just a little more refreshed than normal. That is, unless you live in Saskatchewan (suckers!).
It's interesting how good I feel about having an extra hour to my day. I went to bed early and woke up late to be reminded that it was actually an hour earlier. I felt so much more productive all of the sudden. It's kinda of like being given extra time on a project, just by default.
So I had a thought; what if we set the clocks back everyday?
I guess it would end up being counter-productive. Maybe just once a week. How great would it be to get an extra hour's sleep every Sunday night? Mondays would definitely be easier for me!
Well, enjoy your extra hour and enjoy your fall & winter!
PS: I'm writing this blog via email on my iPhone!
How cool is that!?
Shalom!
Matt
It's interesting how good I feel about having an extra hour to my day. I went to bed early and woke up late to be reminded that it was actually an hour earlier. I felt so much more productive all of the sudden. It's kinda of like being given extra time on a project, just by default.
So I had a thought; what if we set the clocks back everyday?
I guess it would end up being counter-productive. Maybe just once a week. How great would it be to get an extra hour's sleep every Sunday night? Mondays would definitely be easier for me!
Well, enjoy your extra hour and enjoy your fall & winter!
PS: I'm writing this blog via email on my iPhone!
How cool is that!?
Shalom!
Matt
Thursday, September 25, 2008
What the future may hold...
I don't know, but I've been thinking about it. The future that is, if that wasn't made clear by the title of this blog.
I'm in an interesting phase in life right now. I'm working full time at a job I enjoy and kind of, well, "coasting". I was looking into moving out a while ago and couldn't yet afford it. I suspect I'll be looking into it again in the new year. I've also been thinking about and researching going back to school over the past month or so. I've been looking into a degree in Communication Arts, but I'm not yet certain it's what I want to do. While I find it interesting and wouldn't mind a career in some kind of creative marketing/public relations/customer service management type of position, I'm just not really sure that it's the right thing for me. It's really just the most attractive route for schooling and career in the world I can see at the moment. I suspect this will change also. I'd like to know what I'd like to do soon, because if I am going back to school, I'd like to do it next September. I've also been thinking and praying (and made a tentative decision) about something in my future that only two people know about, and I'm afraid that this will have to be a bit of a cliffhanger until later in time when this thing arises.
The biggest dilemmas are these: I don't know what exactly I want to study/pursue, and I'm still in debt from the last thing(s) I tried to pursue. I do believe it's God plan to redeem that debt (can I get an Amen?), but I'm lost as to his timing. I just know that I want to be back in school. It's exciting and fun. You're working toward something for your future and learning about something that you (hopefully) have interest in. A big part of me really just wants to do it to have that experience under my belt (where does that expression even come from I wonder? I'll have to look it up...) and have that degree. I've almost always wanted to have a degree or special knowledge in something. It's one of the reasons (perhaps the biggest) that I respect doctors, especially specialist doctors. I mean, how cool would it be to possess a significantly greater knowledge and skill level in something than say, 99% of the population? Pretty cool, I think.
Anyway, this ramble has gone on long enough.
Go on now, leave your thoughts and questions and random diversions from everyday life in response!
I'm in an interesting phase in life right now. I'm working full time at a job I enjoy and kind of, well, "coasting". I was looking into moving out a while ago and couldn't yet afford it. I suspect I'll be looking into it again in the new year. I've also been thinking about and researching going back to school over the past month or so. I've been looking into a degree in Communication Arts, but I'm not yet certain it's what I want to do. While I find it interesting and wouldn't mind a career in some kind of creative marketing/public relations/customer service management type of position, I'm just not really sure that it's the right thing for me. It's really just the most attractive route for schooling and career in the world I can see at the moment. I suspect this will change also. I'd like to know what I'd like to do soon, because if I am going back to school, I'd like to do it next September. I've also been thinking and praying (and made a tentative decision) about something in my future that only two people know about, and I'm afraid that this will have to be a bit of a cliffhanger until later in time when this thing arises.
The biggest dilemmas are these: I don't know what exactly I want to study/pursue, and I'm still in debt from the last thing(s) I tried to pursue. I do believe it's God plan to redeem that debt (can I get an Amen?), but I'm lost as to his timing. I just know that I want to be back in school. It's exciting and fun. You're working toward something for your future and learning about something that you (hopefully) have interest in. A big part of me really just wants to do it to have that experience under my belt (where does that expression even come from I wonder? I'll have to look it up...) and have that degree. I've almost always wanted to have a degree or special knowledge in something. It's one of the reasons (perhaps the biggest) that I respect doctors, especially specialist doctors. I mean, how cool would it be to possess a significantly greater knowledge and skill level in something than say, 99% of the population? Pretty cool, I think.
Anyway, this ramble has gone on long enough.
Go on now, leave your thoughts and questions and random diversions from everyday life in response!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Repentance
Repentance is an interesting thing.
I've been thinking a bit recently on repentance. After doing some repenting to God, I heard him say this, "Matthew, do you think that it's your repentance that removes your sins?"
An interesting thought, no?
It's always been my understanding that, even if you're a Christian, if you sin, you need to repent to have that sin forgiven. As though there's a tally in heaven that gets recorded with each sin I sin, and then wiped after each time I repent.
I don't think this is true though. If is this so, then it wouldn't be by faith in grace that we are saved and freed from sin (because to be saved [meaning going to heaven] you have to be free of sin) but by works in faith in grace that we're saved, and that's rubbish.
I remember one time, going to listen to some worship music with my sin on my mind, (I always find it awkward to try and do anything with God or God-involved with my sin on my mind) I thought to myself, "I can't listen to worship, I have un-repented for sin." And the still small voice says, "No you don't. I've forgiven you of that." I was surprised, because, like I said, I thought you had to repent to be forgiven, and so I pointed this out to God. He replied something to the effect of, "Your repentance is in your heart, and that's enough for me. You've been forgiven."
I thought, "Hmm, well that's interesting. Okay then."
So, to tie these two things together. Here's what I think.
I think that all my sin, past, present, & future, was wiped away at the cross. The Bible says that I've always been seen as blameless before God because I was to choose the reconciliation of the cross (Ephesians 1:4). But it's because my heart was in a state of knowing repentance when I accepted Christ's sacrifice, and because I default to a humbled state of repentance in my heart that God is able to acknowledge me as clean of sin. It's not that I tell my heart to be repentance, it's not an act I choose, it's because I love him. I think that's the key. Your love for him is what will bring you back to a heart of repentance. I do choose to love him, so to speak, but more so, I can't help but love him. It's really interesting, and I'm not even sure I fully understand it all, or anything I've said thus far. But I do understand this: regardless of what I do, he still loves me, and he's still forgiven me.
I've been struggling with really feeling and knowing that recently, a lot, to be honest. I do still know it. Somewhere, I know it, and I'll always know it. You can't know it, truly know it, and then deny it. Nothing is more true, nothing is more secure, nothing is more eternal than the love of God.
I've been thinking a bit recently on repentance. After doing some repenting to God, I heard him say this, "Matthew, do you think that it's your repentance that removes your sins?"
An interesting thought, no?
It's always been my understanding that, even if you're a Christian, if you sin, you need to repent to have that sin forgiven. As though there's a tally in heaven that gets recorded with each sin I sin, and then wiped after each time I repent.
I don't think this is true though. If is this so, then it wouldn't be by faith in grace that we are saved and freed from sin (because to be saved [meaning going to heaven] you have to be free of sin) but by works in faith in grace that we're saved, and that's rubbish.
I remember one time, going to listen to some worship music with my sin on my mind, (I always find it awkward to try and do anything with God or God-involved with my sin on my mind) I thought to myself, "I can't listen to worship, I have un-repented for sin." And the still small voice says, "No you don't. I've forgiven you of that." I was surprised, because, like I said, I thought you had to repent to be forgiven, and so I pointed this out to God. He replied something to the effect of, "Your repentance is in your heart, and that's enough for me. You've been forgiven."
I thought, "Hmm, well that's interesting. Okay then."
So, to tie these two things together. Here's what I think.
I think that all my sin, past, present, & future, was wiped away at the cross. The Bible says that I've always been seen as blameless before God because I was to choose the reconciliation of the cross (Ephesians 1:4). But it's because my heart was in a state of knowing repentance when I accepted Christ's sacrifice, and because I default to a humbled state of repentance in my heart that God is able to acknowledge me as clean of sin. It's not that I tell my heart to be repentance, it's not an act I choose, it's because I love him. I think that's the key. Your love for him is what will bring you back to a heart of repentance. I do choose to love him, so to speak, but more so, I can't help but love him. It's really interesting, and I'm not even sure I fully understand it all, or anything I've said thus far. But I do understand this: regardless of what I do, he still loves me, and he's still forgiven me.
I've been struggling with really feeling and knowing that recently, a lot, to be honest. I do still know it. Somewhere, I know it, and I'll always know it. You can't know it, truly know it, and then deny it. Nothing is more true, nothing is more secure, nothing is more eternal than the love of God.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
For the heck of it
So, I'm writing this blog, for the heck of it.
Then I thought to myself. "Hmmm, 'for the heck of it.'"
I think right now, to be completely honest, I'm living for the heck of it. I'm not quite sure what that means. I think it means I'm just waiting for the next big thing to come along. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I'm kind of waiting for a direction, a path, a plan, a "something" to develop for me to put myself into. I mean, right now, it's just work, do the best I can at that; do church stuff; try and deal with family stuff; and try and have some fun. There's no specific goal I'm working toward like school, or promotion, or career, or anything like that. I'd like to move out at some point, but that's not something I can do quite yet, so for now, it's just, well, "for the heck of it."
I mean, yes, I live for the glory of God and to try and be the best I can and be the most like him I can. But, you do that no matter what direction your education, or career, or family life, or what have you, takes you. That's basic. What am I working toward to produce a living on this earth?
What am I building?
These are things that I'm pondering, when my heart has time away from dealing with all the crap right now. So, there ya go. I just blogged that, "for the heck of it."
I guess, we'll just have to see what's next.
Then I thought to myself. "Hmmm, 'for the heck of it.'"
I think right now, to be completely honest, I'm living for the heck of it. I'm not quite sure what that means. I think it means I'm just waiting for the next big thing to come along. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I'm kind of waiting for a direction, a path, a plan, a "something" to develop for me to put myself into. I mean, right now, it's just work, do the best I can at that; do church stuff; try and deal with family stuff; and try and have some fun. There's no specific goal I'm working toward like school, or promotion, or career, or anything like that. I'd like to move out at some point, but that's not something I can do quite yet, so for now, it's just, well, "for the heck of it."
I mean, yes, I live for the glory of God and to try and be the best I can and be the most like him I can. But, you do that no matter what direction your education, or career, or family life, or what have you, takes you. That's basic. What am I working toward to produce a living on this earth?
What am I building?
These are things that I'm pondering, when my heart has time away from dealing with all the crap right now. So, there ya go. I just blogged that, "for the heck of it."
I guess, we'll just have to see what's next.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Not Phased
I'm finding that I'm not phased by much recently. I'm having a bit of a "yeah, whatever" kind of reaction to most things recently. Perhaps it's because there's just too much in my heart to really allow more in to have impact in it. There's too much junk, too much worry, too much fear, too much frustration, too much loneliness, too much... crap.
We found out last week that my grandfather has advanced lung cancer. We don't know how much longer he has. I'm phased by that. Not as much as I will be when he's actually gone, but, please, let's not go there.
It's hard to try and allow your heart to be phased by everything around you. Perhaps I'm a little too walled up at the moment, but I do think that it's not actually that great to allow all the world and its issues and ups and downs have much sway on you. I guess it's all about why it doesn't affect you.
Right now, there's just too much weight, too much junk, too much of, well, too much.
Meh... whatever.
We found out last week that my grandfather has advanced lung cancer. We don't know how much longer he has. I'm phased by that. Not as much as I will be when he's actually gone, but, please, let's not go there.
It's hard to try and allow your heart to be phased by everything around you. Perhaps I'm a little too walled up at the moment, but I do think that it's not actually that great to allow all the world and its issues and ups and downs have much sway on you. I guess it's all about why it doesn't affect you.
Right now, there's just too much weight, too much junk, too much of, well, too much.
Meh... whatever.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Somedays...
You just want to give up, don't you?
Just stop and put your head down, or lie down in your bed, or just stop where you are, sit down and put your head in your hands and just let out a deep breath. You don't want to keep walking, or talking, or typing, or doing anything really, you just want to stop.
Then you keep going, because people aren't allowed to just stop. That would mean a lot less getting done, but a lot more peaceful people. In the end though, wouldn't the increase in peaceful people lead to an increase in productive people? I don't know, such things are not for men such as I to ponder, I suppose...
You keep going. You go until you get to the bus stop, or until you can hang up the phone, or until you can leave for the day, or until you can go to sleep at night (or in the morning). Then, you know, that next time, it will take just that little bit more until you feel like you have to give up. You know that you can get to that point where you were the last time you felt like giving up without doing it, but now you've got to go just a bit further. I wonder how much we can take. I wonder how far we can go? How far can we go before we need to give up on giving up giving up?
Is giving up so wrong?
Sometimes I, the mighty infallible Matt Mitchell, want to give up. Shocking, I know. I never talk about needing help or giving up, and I wonder if people know that I'm like them and sometimes I want to give up too. Sometimes I do give up, so to speak. Sometimes at work, I need to get up and get out of my chair. I need to take a break. Isn't taking a break just another form of giving up? It's like giving up for a bit, but with control and acceptance.
What does it even mean to give up? I mean, to truly give up, one would have to end one's life, I guess.
I like to give up a moment to giving up. Or maybe give up two.
I'm rambling, I know. So, heck, I give up. I give everything I have up to God, so that when I do need to give up, at least somebody is still holding on to the things I was holding on to, and now he's holding on to me too. Sigh...
Just stop and put your head down, or lie down in your bed, or just stop where you are, sit down and put your head in your hands and just let out a deep breath. You don't want to keep walking, or talking, or typing, or doing anything really, you just want to stop.
Then you keep going, because people aren't allowed to just stop. That would mean a lot less getting done, but a lot more peaceful people. In the end though, wouldn't the increase in peaceful people lead to an increase in productive people? I don't know, such things are not for men such as I to ponder, I suppose...
You keep going. You go until you get to the bus stop, or until you can hang up the phone, or until you can leave for the day, or until you can go to sleep at night (or in the morning). Then, you know, that next time, it will take just that little bit more until you feel like you have to give up. You know that you can get to that point where you were the last time you felt like giving up without doing it, but now you've got to go just a bit further. I wonder how much we can take. I wonder how far we can go? How far can we go before we need to give up on giving up giving up?
Is giving up so wrong?
Sometimes I, the mighty infallible Matt Mitchell, want to give up. Shocking, I know. I never talk about needing help or giving up, and I wonder if people know that I'm like them and sometimes I want to give up too. Sometimes I do give up, so to speak. Sometimes at work, I need to get up and get out of my chair. I need to take a break. Isn't taking a break just another form of giving up? It's like giving up for a bit, but with control and acceptance.
What does it even mean to give up? I mean, to truly give up, one would have to end one's life, I guess.
I like to give up a moment to giving up. Or maybe give up two.
I'm rambling, I know. So, heck, I give up. I give everything I have up to God, so that when I do need to give up, at least somebody is still holding on to the things I was holding on to, and now he's holding on to me too. Sigh...
Monday, August 4, 2008
22 and still kicking
Yes, I know, it's not that old.
I've never been 22 before ('no duh', I know, I'm being clever), and I'm trying to figure it out. Is there really anything to figure out? Hmmm.... Does each year have it's own uniqueness, or is that just the cliche we quote to make every year feel special and memorable? Oh well...
I was listening to the radio today in the car on the way to pick up my new computer (oh yeah, I got a new computer. It's flippin' sweet!) and heard a short list of famous people also born on August 4th. Here're some of them:
I had a smashing party last night. I invited about 180 friends to come and eat and drink and be merry with me at the Fox & Firkin pub. I was expecting about 30 people, and nearly 40 showed! Some people I didn't know, some I didn't expect, and some I wouldn't expected to be anywhere else. It was amazing. I love my friends, and they love me (as the evidence showed). How great is our God to bless me with such an amazing smörgåsbord of people in my life!
All this to say, I am 22, God bless me, and I can't wait to see what this next year of life brings. There's a precedent set for God's goodness in my life, and I'm quite excited to see him pass it.
I've never been 22 before ('no duh', I know, I'm being clever), and I'm trying to figure it out. Is there really anything to figure out? Hmmm.... Does each year have it's own uniqueness, or is that just the cliche we quote to make every year feel special and memorable? Oh well...
I was listening to the radio today in the car on the way to pick up my new computer (oh yeah, I got a new computer. It's flippin' sweet!) and heard a short list of famous people also born on August 4th. Here're some of them:
- 1900 - Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, (Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother), Queen consort of George VI of the United Kingdom (d. 2002)
- 1901 - Louis Armstrong, American jazz musician (d. 1971)
- 1961 - Barack Obama, American politician
- 1962 - Roger Clemens, American baseball player
- 1971 - Jeff Gordon, American race car driver
I had a smashing party last night. I invited about 180 friends to come and eat and drink and be merry with me at the Fox & Firkin pub. I was expecting about 30 people, and nearly 40 showed! Some people I didn't know, some I didn't expect, and some I wouldn't expected to be anywhere else. It was amazing. I love my friends, and they love me (as the evidence showed). How great is our God to bless me with such an amazing smörgåsbord of people in my life!
All this to say, I am 22, God bless me, and I can't wait to see what this next year of life brings. There's a precedent set for God's goodness in my life, and I'm quite excited to see him pass it.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I had a thought...
And now I can't remember what it was I was going to blog about.
I suppose it'll come to me.
I suppose it'll come to me.
"God Time"
Everything seems to go better when you're having regular "God time". It can also be said that everything seems to go down the toilet when you're not having regular "God time".
To be truthful, I've been pretty lax with my time with God recently. I started working and getting a lot busier and started giving God less of my time. It's been pretty sucky, and perhaps it's even starting to show (?). I really need to get back to that.
I've never been a big journaller, but I do enjoy prayer and reading the Bible. I think my favourite thing to do with God though is worship. I love giving him praise and telling him about how awesome he is. I think he likes it too. I've been so busy lately, and tired, and sometimes discouraged, and it's really hampered the time with Daddy. I think that now that I'm working full-time it's going to take more effort and I'm going to have to be more diligent in scheduling God into my day and my week. It's going to take more sacrifice and more drawing of boundaries and such to make sure I get the time in, but it'll be worth it. I think that when it requires more of us there's a greater reward. On top of that greater reward, there's a higher level of discipline learned and diligence practised, which I'm all for growing in. Although, I should be careful in writing that. Those things have a way of coming back in biting me in the ass (spiritually speaking. And yes, I did just write 'ass' in my Christian blog! Shocking, I know).
All this to say, spend time with God people. It does you good.
To be truthful, I've been pretty lax with my time with God recently. I started working and getting a lot busier and started giving God less of my time. It's been pretty sucky, and perhaps it's even starting to show (?). I really need to get back to that.
I've never been a big journaller, but I do enjoy prayer and reading the Bible. I think my favourite thing to do with God though is worship. I love giving him praise and telling him about how awesome he is. I think he likes it too. I've been so busy lately, and tired, and sometimes discouraged, and it's really hampered the time with Daddy. I think that now that I'm working full-time it's going to take more effort and I'm going to have to be more diligent in scheduling God into my day and my week. It's going to take more sacrifice and more drawing of boundaries and such to make sure I get the time in, but it'll be worth it. I think that when it requires more of us there's a greater reward. On top of that greater reward, there's a higher level of discipline learned and diligence practised, which I'm all for growing in. Although, I should be careful in writing that. Those things have a way of coming back in biting me in the ass (spiritually speaking. And yes, I did just write 'ass' in my Christian blog! Shocking, I know).
All this to say, spend time with God people. It does you good.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
One's Kin Ablazed
So, this weekend has been the Families on Fire conference at TACF, and it's been pretty cool. Just thinking about family and all and I think I have some thoughts...
I had the opportunity to be a part of the prophetic presbytery team at the conference today and got to prophecy over about six or seven families, I think. Good times! Also kind of sad at times though, you tend to start to see things that aren't the greatest, thing in their lives that need healing. It's great though, because you also get to see a whole tonne of awesome stuff. It was really cool, because it's not something I get to do all the time, this whole prophesying thing, but I love it. There's a certain vibe, a certain feeling, a 'je ne sais pas' about some families. You can just feel the unique spirit about them, and it's really... well, it's really cool. My own family has its own unique spirit. I'm trying to understand my family better, I've often felt different from them. I'm the only one in my immediate family who is musical, and there are other things that, throughout my life, I'm just unique in. It can be hard for me, my brother doesn't go to church, and just doesn't have a sense of the spiritual side of life. It's scary sometimes and often very frustrating. I digress...
Family is cool, and it's really important. I don't think we value our families enough when we've been in them for so long. But then people start families and all the sudden it's the biggest thing ever. Then they tend to balance out. I can't wait to start a family. I love kids and I love family, but I'm also really excited for the things that God has shown me about my wife and kids to come. A lot of it I can't even qualify, it's just senses and feelings of the things that we'll do and the things that we'll be. I'm really looking forward to the great level of God's spirit that he's going to grow in me through my wife and family. It'll be good.
To break this down and wrap it up, let's treasure our families, there's nothing like them and God has us in them for a reason. Let's appreciate them and love them. Your family is unique and has a specific destiny and calling. It has a unique spirit that no other family could have. God loves family, he is, in himself, a family, and he's created us to be in families for a reason. It's because they're awesome.
I had the opportunity to be a part of the prophetic presbytery team at the conference today and got to prophecy over about six or seven families, I think. Good times! Also kind of sad at times though, you tend to start to see things that aren't the greatest, thing in their lives that need healing. It's great though, because you also get to see a whole tonne of awesome stuff. It was really cool, because it's not something I get to do all the time, this whole prophesying thing, but I love it. There's a certain vibe, a certain feeling, a 'je ne sais pas' about some families. You can just feel the unique spirit about them, and it's really... well, it's really cool. My own family has its own unique spirit. I'm trying to understand my family better, I've often felt different from them. I'm the only one in my immediate family who is musical, and there are other things that, throughout my life, I'm just unique in. It can be hard for me, my brother doesn't go to church, and just doesn't have a sense of the spiritual side of life. It's scary sometimes and often very frustrating. I digress...
Family is cool, and it's really important. I don't think we value our families enough when we've been in them for so long. But then people start families and all the sudden it's the biggest thing ever. Then they tend to balance out. I can't wait to start a family. I love kids and I love family, but I'm also really excited for the things that God has shown me about my wife and kids to come. A lot of it I can't even qualify, it's just senses and feelings of the things that we'll do and the things that we'll be. I'm really looking forward to the great level of God's spirit that he's going to grow in me through my wife and family. It'll be good.
To break this down and wrap it up, let's treasure our families, there's nothing like them and God has us in them for a reason. Let's appreciate them and love them. Your family is unique and has a specific destiny and calling. It has a unique spirit that no other family could have. God loves family, he is, in himself, a family, and he's created us to be in families for a reason. It's because they're awesome.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Working Working, Making Money
So, this Friday I get my first paycheck from my new job at TACF. It feels so good to be working again, full time, making the dough. I worked part-timeish for free for the church for a few months, and loved it, but it's so great to have a real job there. I have my own desk and my own phone, my own extension and email address, a staff badge, and all that jazz. I feel so appreciated, so loved, so acknowledged for the practical and worky stuff I can do.
I think that part of it is a guy thing, we like to work and provide, even if just for ourselves. We want to make our way and bring home the bread. I don't have a family or anything, but it's nice to know that I'm at least going to be able to be self-sufficient soon, instead of living off of others (my parents).
I'm planning to move out soon, preferrably in the fall, I think. I really hope I'm able to, it's something I've wanted to do for quite a while, and something I'm looking forward to. Much of it is a faith thing though, I beleive that God is behind me and supports it, so I'm believing he's going to help me find a great place for a great price and great roommates to live with. He's just cool like that.
Back to the whole job thing though. I struggled with the fact that I felt useless and empty without work when I didn't have any, but I continued to struggle with the idea that I was so shallow when I started work. It bugged me that I based my contentment, and perhaps even part of my identity, on whether or not I'm working. I know that God makes me wait long periods of time for work frequently and then rewards my patience with a good job, it's kind of been a pattern. I'm really praying and hoping and having faith that this will be a lasting job though, and that if and when I move on, it's not because I have to leave, but because God is calling me to something bigger. I hope that it wouldn't be this weird and sucky period of unemployment, but moreso a transition. I don't know why I'm thinking about that already, I just started two weeks ago. I guess I'm weird...
Why is it though that we base so much of our selves on our jobs? They don't define us, they're just our livelihood, but who really believes that? I try to, I really do, but I find so much contentment in the fact that I'm working somewhere I like and stuff. I don't know, perhaps I just need to grow up and learn what it's like to really know who I am despite what I do or don't do. Though, I think we all do...
I think that part of it is a guy thing, we like to work and provide, even if just for ourselves. We want to make our way and bring home the bread. I don't have a family or anything, but it's nice to know that I'm at least going to be able to be self-sufficient soon, instead of living off of others (my parents).
I'm planning to move out soon, preferrably in the fall, I think. I really hope I'm able to, it's something I've wanted to do for quite a while, and something I'm looking forward to. Much of it is a faith thing though, I beleive that God is behind me and supports it, so I'm believing he's going to help me find a great place for a great price and great roommates to live with. He's just cool like that.
Back to the whole job thing though. I struggled with the fact that I felt useless and empty without work when I didn't have any, but I continued to struggle with the idea that I was so shallow when I started work. It bugged me that I based my contentment, and perhaps even part of my identity, on whether or not I'm working. I know that God makes me wait long periods of time for work frequently and then rewards my patience with a good job, it's kind of been a pattern. I'm really praying and hoping and having faith that this will be a lasting job though, and that if and when I move on, it's not because I have to leave, but because God is calling me to something bigger. I hope that it wouldn't be this weird and sucky period of unemployment, but moreso a transition. I don't know why I'm thinking about that already, I just started two weeks ago. I guess I'm weird...
Why is it though that we base so much of our selves on our jobs? They don't define us, they're just our livelihood, but who really believes that? I try to, I really do, but I find so much contentment in the fact that I'm working somewhere I like and stuff. I don't know, perhaps I just need to grow up and learn what it's like to really know who I am despite what I do or don't do. Though, I think we all do...
Friday, June 13, 2008
This is fun
So, I've recently started blogging again regularly. I forgot how much fun it is! How liberating a feeling it is to let your thoughts and feelings and crazy ramblings be free! Now that I've discovered that you can blog via email, it's awesome! I don't even have to log in, I just have to send this blog to my secret posting email and it's automatically up! How cool is that!? I KNOW!
Back to my point... I think that people like to blog for the same reasons I do. We have all these thoughts and feelings and dreams and ambitions that pop in and out of our head. How many of these do we wish we could just tell everyone about? Like when we have revelations about God or life or the aerodynamics of McDonald's hamburgers, we just want to tell the world, don't we? I do. When something good happens and I want people to know, so that they're happy for me, I can blog it. When something troubling has happened, I want to let people know, so they can pray with me. Now, I don't say this because of any need of my own, per say. Rather, I think of it this way... I love my friends, and I want to know what goes in their lives. If they see a success, than I'm happy for them and my heart is elated, perhaps my faith is even encouraged! If they see a troubling time, than I want to hear about it so I can pray with them and talk to them and give them a hug and do whatever I can to help them through it. Shouldn't I then expect my friends to have the same desires and expectations of me? Yes, I do enjoy the fact that my friends want to know about my life and join in on it, but I don't need a blog for that. That's what I have my cell leaders and cell members for, as well as other friends that I keep in regular contact with about such things. The purpose of blogging about these things is to open that same connection up to others to enjoy on a more general, corporate level. This way, we're all still in contact and we're all still joining in together on each others' ups and downs. After all, the Bible says "And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honoured, all the members rejoice with it."
So, I invite you, friends, suffer with me and rejoice with me! Right now, you can rejoice, things are looking fairly well. God is doing lots, really stretching me and working on my character, but it's for the best. I'm becoming more and more the man he wants me to be! Also, I got a job! (HOORAY!) I've been hired on as a Customer Care Representative at TACF, and start my first day of work as staff on Monday! I'm very excited!
I invite you also friends, to share your times of suffering, and your times of rejoicing with me! I want to be there and help you in your time of need, and be there to party in your time of success. Let's do it! This is the body, we suffer together, we rejoice together. In unity, we are one, we have power, we have joy, we have revolution.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Before The Judge
So, I know that this has been done before, but I wanted to write my own. Here it is...
Before The Judge
By Matt Mitchell
The time has finally come. All his law breaking has finally caught up with him. Last thing he knew, he was sleeping, when suddenly he is awoken by the sound of sirens, and is forced into the police car, hands behind his back, being taken straight to the courthouse. He isn't alone though. There are two others in the back of the car with him. The man beside him has his head hung low, his skin is pale and sickly looking, his countenance is gloomy and depressed. The other man, in the seat by the other window, looks perfectly content however, he even has a smile on his face. Why is he so happy? Has he no remorse for his sins? Does he feel no guilt for his crimes? He just sits there, his hands in his lap, with a smile on his face. Listening carefully, he's humming a song. It almost sounds like "Amazing Grace". How strange.
He looks to the front of the car, to get a glimpse of these mysterious police officers who have arrested him without telling him why, without reading him his rights, just telling him his time is up. They don't have faces. He's never seen people without faces before.
He thinks to himself, "Is this a dream? How could it be that people don't have faces? Surely this is a dream." He knocks his head against the window on his left to try and wake himself up, but just ends up with headache.
"It's not a dream," says the officer. His voice is deep and flat, and he speaks with a hint of sorrow, and yet he seems to be mocking the poor, confused man.
"They always think it's a dream," says the officer driving. They laugh. Their laughter is cruel and harsh, it sends chills down his spine. How did they know he what he was thinking? Does everyone who gets in the car knock their head against the window to try and wake himself up? Or are they somehow able to read his mind?
The car ride is taking a long time, so long in fact, that the man starts to feel hungry. The hunger is sharp and strong and causes his stomach to grumble and twist. The officers laugh again at the growling of his stomach. He doesn't understand.
"How did I end up here?", he asks himself. "What have I done? I mean, I've done a lot things that are illegal, and a lot of things that are just wrong, but how would they know? I've never been arrested or anything before." He looks out the car window. Everywhere he can see people are being thrown into police cars by officers without faces. People are being arrested in their homes, in their cars, walking down the street, everywhere. What is going on? Why is everyone being arrested? Even the little old ladies are being thrown into cars like meat. This is terrible! And why is it still dark? When they barged into this house to arrest him, the clock said it was nine 'o clock in them morning, and there were no clouds in the sky! Something terrible has happened, something very very wrong.
After what seems to be forever, the car stops in front of a white courthouse. The building is huge, and there is a long line up of people protruding from the entrance. He looks to see that most are just like him and his gloomy conrad, depressed and shackled with handcuffs. Some though, are just like the third man in the car, smiling and content, singing to themselves, waving to each other. Why aren't they in cuffs? And why are they so happy? How strange.
He's so hungry. His stomach is aching, he wants to sit down it hurts so much, but there's no place to sit, and there's a sea of people in several lines waiting to get into this building. The faceless officers are walking up and down along the lines, with their batons in hand, tapping them gently in their opposite palms. Occasionally, someone will try and make a run for it, but he's always caught immediately and punished severely. Who are these ruthless cops? Taking a look around at all the people waiting to get into the courthouse, it seems like the whole city is there! And there are more coming, the police cars and their shackled prisoners seem to stretch as far as the eyes can see. He even sees children and youths in handcuffs!
He yells out, "Hey! Why are you arresting those poor children? What have they ever done?"
"Shut up!", a nearby officer calls out, as he walks over and and smelts him over the head with his baton. The sun is still not risen, in fact, it's not even on the horizon, and the moon is dark. It's a full moon, but instead of its standard whitish glow, it's a steely grey. He's so confused.
After what seems like yet another eternity of waiting, he is at the front of the line. He can see ahead into the lobby. He counts the people ahead of him, there are four. The first two go in, and in front of him is the smiling man from his car.
"Do you know what's going on?", he asks the man.
"Oh yes, I've been waiting for this a long time," the man replies.
Just as he's about to ask further questions, the doors to the courtroom open and the man and him are ushered in by officers.
"Follow," one of the officers tells him at the door, as he escorts him behind the happy man to the front to stand before the judge.
The courtroom is massive, close to the size of a football field, and the seats are filled with faceless observers. The walk to see the judge seems to take another ten minutes. The judge's bench is also quite large, and very tall and ominous. It's painted white, and seems to made from fine woods. On the judges is left is a very large book, and on right his gavel and its block.
"Wait here," the officer says at the gate to the front of the courtroom. There are two tables on either side where the prosecution and defense sit. The prosecutor is a very angry looking man, he has pale white skin and jet black hair. He has a medium build, and is quite tall with sharp facial features. He is a handsome man, yet there is something very, very ugly about him. He wears a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie, standing very straight and he has piles and piles of files beside on and beside his desk. The files seem to stack to the ceiling.
The man at the defense is a simple looking man. He has long brown hair, but not too long, it almost reaches his shoulders. He has a soft and friendly face, and piercing eyes. He is wearing a white button-up shirt and simple, plain khaki pants. He has no briefcase, no files, no documents of any kind.
The happy man steps up gladly to the middle of the court.
"What charges are laid against this man?", says the judge.
The prosecutor looks at his large pile of records, he seems to be carefully scanning them his eyes. He focuses his gaze at one particular place in the pile, and carefully and skillfully pulls out a very thin file. He opens it. There is only one page in it, and it is blank. He curses. "I have none," he says. "This man's record is blank."
"You are pronounced innocent," says the judge. The happy innocent man goes over to the defense table and hugs the man in white and thanks him. He then walks to the door in the corner of the courtroom labeled "Innocent".
"Next case!", yells the judge.
The man is pushed forward through the gate by the officer who brought him in. He walks to center court. He looks over to the defense, and the man in white is looking at him, he has tears in his eyes. Why is he crying? He then looks over the prosecutor, who has already found a large file for his next argument, and he has a menacing smile on his face.
"What charges are laid against this man?", says the judge.
"Your honour," says the defense, with a slight cringe following, "this man has quite a large record of charges that have been kept."
"That can't be! I've never been arrested before in my life!", cries the man.
"He has lied and stolen and cheated. He has been loose with his words, cursed his friends, cheated on his taxes, fought with his fellow man, he has done drugs, he has dishonoured women and taken advantage of them and broken their hearts. He has even spoken crude things about you! I have proof your honour, it's all here in his record. This man has not been absolved of any of his sins before you, your honour."
The man is in shock. How does he know these things? Then it hits him.
"That's not true! That can't be true! I go to church sometimes! I must have been forgiven at some point!"
The man in white is still fixed on him, still with tears in his eyes.
"Your honour, this man's name is not in the book! He must be sentenced to death", cries the prosecutor.
The judge opens the large book to his left, and peruses through it to look for his name.
"Indeed, his name is not in the book. He has never repented before me and confessed that I am his judge."
Suddenly he remembers all the people in his life who tried to tell him about God and the forgiveness of his sins, about how Jesus died for him and only wanted to have relationship with him and make him new. Why hadn't he listened? They told him this would happen someday!
"Your honour, you said it yourself, 'The wages of sin is death.'"
"I KNOW what I have said!", The judge shouts at the prosecutor. "I'm afraid, despite the efforts and open door provided by the defense, this man never took those steps towards me, and was never removed of his sins. I must sentence you guilty."
The judge bangs his gavel on its block. Two of the faceless officers come alongside him to take him away to the door marked "Guilty". As he is walked to the door, he looks back at the defense on last time, and Jesus, the man in white, still with tears in his eyes, waves goodbye and turns away.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Mini-Jumbo
My Dad bought a "mini seedless watermelon" yesterday, and it caused me to think about something.
Our society is obsessed with changing things. We feel the need to make things that are big, like watermelons, "mini, and things that are small, like berries, "jumbo". Why can't we just be content and let nature do what it's supposed to? God designed these things to be how they are, let's just be content. Of course, it could be argued that our obsession with change comes from our own insecurities about ourselves and our lack of a solid identity in who we are and why we are. As a son of God, adopted by the blood of Jesus unto the Father, and filled with the Holy Spirit, I know my identity, and I'm secure in it. Do I still have things I want to change about myself? Yes, but my motive is to be the best I can to best live out the life God has for me and best reflect who HE is. The world seeks to change and "improve" themselves to look and feel and appear to be what everyone around them tells them to.
I love Jesus.
-Matt
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Music
I love music. It really influences my moods and feelings.
It can calm me, or it can agitate me
It can make me feel good, or make me feel sad
It can edify my spirit, or make me feel ill with the evil it spews
It can help me focus, but it can also distract me
It can help me wake, or help me sleep
It can make me think, or make me feel
It can worship God, or it can spit in his face
It can bring unity, or cause division
It can express our love for each other, and the lack there of
It's composed of systems and rules, yet it can be so freeing
It can be predictable or spontaneous
It is endless, there will always be music, and there always has been
It cannot be avoided, it's everywhere
It is in our very souls, and it's transient from outside us to inside us
It gets "stuck in our heads", but we can't help but let it out
It can be whatever we make it, it is subject to our decisions, it is ours to shape
Music came from God, he made it, and he gave it to us. Music always has been, and always will be. It is an immersing media that all people can receive and relate to. It entrances us, it is what we make it, but we can't help but make it certain things. We control its fate, but are we not controlled by the things it tells us?
Out of all the creative outlets I've tried, music is by far my favourite, which is probably why I've stuck with it longer than the others. I love listening to it, and I love making it. I feel so honoured to be able to produce it and write it and share it with others and give it to God. Call me a cheesy Christian, but worship music is my favourite music. Even music that isn't straight up "I love Jesus", but gives glory to God, is worship to me. Worship music is the original music, and it's the only everlasting music. Worship is my favourite thing to do with music.
Don't get me wrong, I love non-worship music, I listen to tonnes of it, and I write some of it too, it has its own dedicated beauty and expression and purpose that's completely unique and necessary. But worship music, is just that, it's worship music. Other than spending time with people and building relationship, worshipping God is my favourite thing to do. It's just... fun.
"Music is powerful" - Jarred Dunn
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Flavour of Favour
Hello there everybody! (quick little Simpsons reference there)
So... Quite a while ago I promised a blog on favour. I'm quite late, I know (Bethany). Life has been crazy and weird...I've wanted to talk about favour for a long time now, as it's something I love and have had the pleasure of experiencing and walking in a lot my life. Forgive me if this study has a bit of a sloppy, perhaps unorganized format, I haven't planned anything and I'm just going to wing it. So here it goes.
Let's start by defining favour. Here's how the dictionary in my mac defines it:
Look at the cross. The cross was the biggest overpayment in history. Not only did God want to wipe away all our past sins and set us free from them, but he went to the extreme of freeing of us all sin to come too. He not only made sin extinct, but he took back the powers of death, sickness, and all the wiles of the hell. I love the Message version of John 10:10b "I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." Isn't that amazing? In my opinion, that verse is one of the biggest New Testament source verses for God's favour. It's like, Wow. Jesus came and died, and was resurrected for the purpose of us having the best life we could have, for all of eternity!
God's favour is all encompassing, it is grace and mercy and love and kindness and goodness and giving all in one. Some of the times of most favour in my life were some of the times in my life where my faithfulness was not as strong as it could, but God's faithfulness is unwavering.
Lamentations 3:22-33 is an awesome passage talking about the faithfulness of God. I think it's important to remember that recognizing God's faithfulness is a key in recognizing his favour.
Cool eh? I'm just gonna end it up here with some Bible verses on favour, as I've already gone into a whole tonne of examples of God's favour in my life in this and/or my other blog. So check them out and read these verses:
Genesis 39:2a "The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered"
Psalm 84:11 "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless."
So... Quite a while ago I promised a blog on favour. I'm quite late, I know (Bethany). Life has been crazy and weird...I've wanted to talk about favour for a long time now, as it's something I love and have had the pleasure of experiencing and walking in a lot my life. Forgive me if this study has a bit of a sloppy, perhaps unorganized format, I haven't planned anything and I'm just going to wing it. So here it goes.
Let's start by defining favour. Here's how the dictionary in my mac defines it:
favor |ˈfāvər| ( Brit. favour)
noun
1 an attitude of approval or liking : the legislation is viewed with favor.
• support or advancement given as a sign of approval : a struggle between competing aides for presidential favor.
• overgenerous preferential treatment : they accused you of showing favor to one of the players.
• a small gift or souvenir : good party favors include stickers, hair barrettes, or crayons.
• archaic a thing such as a badge or knot of ribbons that is given or worn as a mark of liking or support.
2 an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual : I've come to ask you a favor.
noun
1 an attitude of approval or liking : the legislation is viewed with favor.
• support or advancement given as a sign of approval : a struggle between competing aides for presidential favor.
• overgenerous preferential treatment : they accused you of showing favor to one of the players.
• a small gift or souvenir : good party favors include stickers, hair barrettes, or crayons.
• archaic a thing such as a badge or knot of ribbons that is given or worn as a mark of liking or support.
2 an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual : I've come to ask you a favor.
verb [ trans. ]
1 feel or show approval or preference for : slashing public spending is a policy that few politicians favor.
• give unfairly preferential treatment to : critics argued that the policy favored the private sector.
• work to the advantage of : natural selection has favored bats.
2 ( favor someone with) (often used in polite requests) give someone (something that they want) : please favor me with an answer.
3 informal resemble (a parent or relative) in facial features : she's pretty, and she favors you.
4 treat (an injured limb) gently, not putting one's full weight on it : he favors his sore leg.
PHRASES
do someone a favor do something for someone as an act of kindness.
in favor 1 meeting with approval : they were not in favor with the party. 2 having or showing approval : the appeals court ruled 2-1 in favor of his extradition.
in one's favor to one's advantage : events were moving in his favor.
in favor of 1 to be replaced by : he stepped down as leader in favor of his rival. 2 to the advantage of : the final score was 25-16 in favor of Washington.
out of favor |ˈˈaʊd əv ˈfeɪvər| lacking or having lost approval or popularity : proper dancing has gone out of favor.
ORIGIN Middle English (in the noun sense [liking, preference] ): via Old French from Latin favor, from favere ‘show kindness to’ (related to fovere ‘cherish’ ).
I love it, every definition has God and his goodness written all over it. One of my favourites is "an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual". Every time God has shown me favour it's been exactly that. He takes such delight and pleasure in our delight and pleasure. He loves to love us. "God is love" 1 John 4:8b (NIV)
1 feel or show approval or preference for : slashing public spending is a policy that few politicians favor.
• give unfairly preferential treatment to : critics argued that the policy favored the private sector.
• work to the advantage of : natural selection has favored bats.
2 ( favor someone with) (often used in polite requests) give someone (something that they want) : please favor me with an answer.
3 informal resemble (a parent or relative) in facial features : she's pretty, and she favors you.
4 treat (an injured limb) gently, not putting one's full weight on it : he favors his sore leg.
PHRASES
do someone a favor do something for someone as an act of kindness.
in favor 1 meeting with approval : they were not in favor with the party. 2 having or showing approval : the appeals court ruled 2-1 in favor of his extradition.
in one's favor to one's advantage : events were moving in his favor.
in favor of 1 to be replaced by : he stepped down as leader in favor of his rival. 2 to the advantage of : the final score was 25-16 in favor of Washington.
out of favor |ˈˈaʊd əv ˈfeɪvər| lacking or having lost approval or popularity : proper dancing has gone out of favor.
ORIGIN Middle English (in the noun sense [liking, preference] ): via Old French from Latin favor, from favere ‘show kindness to’ (related to fovere ‘cherish’ ).
I love it, every definition has God and his goodness written all over it. One of my favourites is "an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual". Every time God has shown me favour it's been exactly that. He takes such delight and pleasure in our delight and pleasure. He loves to love us. "God is love" 1 John 4:8b (NIV)
Look at the cross. The cross was the biggest overpayment in history. Not only did God want to wipe away all our past sins and set us free from them, but he went to the extreme of freeing of us all sin to come too. He not only made sin extinct, but he took back the powers of death, sickness, and all the wiles of the hell. I love the Message version of John 10:10b "I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." Isn't that amazing? In my opinion, that verse is one of the biggest New Testament source verses for God's favour. It's like, Wow. Jesus came and died, and was resurrected for the purpose of us having the best life we could have, for all of eternity!
God's favour is all encompassing, it is grace and mercy and love and kindness and goodness and giving all in one. Some of the times of most favour in my life were some of the times in my life where my faithfulness was not as strong as it could, but God's faithfulness is unwavering.
Lamentations 3:22-33 is an awesome passage talking about the faithfulness of God. I think it's important to remember that recognizing God's faithfulness is a key in recognizing his favour.
"22 The faithful love of the Lord never ends![a]
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
His mercies never cease.
23 Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”
25 The Lord is good to those who depend on him,
to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age
to the yoke of his discipline: 28 Let them sit alone in silence
beneath the Lord’s demands.
29 Let them lie face down in the dust,
for there may be hope at last.
30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them
and accept the insults of their enemies. 31 For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
33 For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow."
to those who search for him.
26 So it is good to wait quietly
for salvation from the Lord.
27 And it is good for people to submit at an early age
to the yoke of his discipline: 28 Let them sit alone in silence
beneath the Lord’s demands.
29 Let them lie face down in the dust,
for there may be hope at last.
30 Let them turn the other cheek to those who strike them
and accept the insults of their enemies. 31 For no one is abandoned
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion
because of the greatness of his unfailing love.
33 For he does not enjoy hurting people
or causing them sorrow."
Cool eh? I'm just gonna end it up here with some Bible verses on favour, as I've already gone into a whole tonne of examples of God's favour in my life in this and/or my other blog. So check them out and read these verses:
Genesis 39:2a "The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered"
Leviticus 26:9"I will look on you with favour and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you."
2 Kings 13:4a "Then Jehoahaz sought the Lord's favour, and the Lord listened to him..."
Psalm 5:12 "For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."
If you want to find more examples of God moving in favour for people in the Bible, go to Bible Gateway and search the word "favor".
See ya later!
Saturday, May 3, 2008
If God Had a Facebook Status...
... It would read, "God is God".
Please don't ask me why I'm writing this, it just popped into my head and God won't let me not write it. I don't actually want to, I'm just being obedient and hoping that if I do, the phrase "If God had a Facebook status, it would read, 'God is God'," will leave my head. It's starting to get annoying. As I'm writing this, I know I have stuff to say on it that's Biblical truth, and I know Holy Spirit is giving me wisdom in it, but it sucks, 'cause I really DON'T want to.
So, here it goes...
Please don't ask me why I'm writing this, it just popped into my head and God won't let me not write it. I don't actually want to, I'm just being obedient and hoping that if I do, the phrase "If God had a Facebook status, it would read, 'God is God'," will leave my head. It's starting to get annoying. As I'm writing this, I know I have stuff to say on it that's Biblical truth, and I know Holy Spirit is giving me wisdom in it, but it sucks, 'cause I really DON'T want to.
So, here it goes...
God is God.
Matthew 6:25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds. 27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. 30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. 34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
So yeah...
God is good at getting under our skin and convicting us isn't he? Father is in control, he loves us and cares for us and will not let us starve or die or anything like that. Why do I worry? Or am I just having a pity party? Probably the latter.
I'm going to end this now I think, because I've put it out there, as God has so strongly enjoyed making me do. He just loves to stretch us. Loves to take another issue to the cross. Well Lord, if you're going to kill me, you're going to resurrect me better, so bring it, okay!? Garsh!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Blessed
I am so blessed.
This may sound cheesy, but church has changed my life. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my church and ALL the people I have met and befriended. This list includes my closest friends, which is probably about five people; some good friends whom I really enjoy talking and spending time with; people whom I consider to be friends, but I don't necessarily hang out with often; and casual acquaintances. My list of TACF people is over 100! OVER 100! In less than One Year! Wow...
I'm just so amazed at the goodness of God. I remember crying out to God a year ago for friends my age, for a place to connect with other young adults and grow relationships. I also prayed about planting a church, as it's something I've wanted to do for a while. Then there's the music thing, I've grown musically and have had a bunch of great opportunities here too!
He is so faithful, and such a great redeemer. I remember long periods of my life where I had no peer friends, and now I am so abundantly blessed with friends it brings tears to my eyes as I write this.
I love you guys. You know who you are, and you should know that I love you and treasure you dearly, and pray for you. I thank God for you pretty much daily, often several times in a day.
I am so blessed.
P.S.: I'm still working on putting together and organizing my next blog, which is on favour. Keep checking!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Purpose without a path provides for a perplexing problem...
Hello anonymous reader, welcome to this, the latest entry of my blog.
A lot has changed over the past few months, and a lot is different.
Let's recap, shall we?
Spring of 2007:
- I decide on Hillsong International Leadership College as my Bible college of choice and apply. I'm accepted and begin the process of moving my life to Sydney, Australia to study Worship Music.
- I started attending TACF (Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship) Central, the young adult congregation in the heart of Downtown T.O..
- I join a small group at TACF and start to attend regularly and form friendships.
- I leave my job at Starbucks, a company I'd been working for for close to two years.
- I am jobless...
- TACF North York is planted, and I, feeling called to be there, plant with them and a beautiful little community is started.
- I start work at a small camera shop in a mall, and enjoy it marginally.
- The process of moving to Australia for Bible college continues.
- I apply for and secure a job with Apple.
- I attend the Heavy Rain conference at TACF and go through spiritual breakthrough.
- I start work at Apple for the Holiday season under the assumption of a continuation of my contract in January.
- After much thought and prayer, and a lot of fun playing with people's minds, I decide to stay in Canada and not attend Hillsong and release the information slowly outward.
- On staying in Canada: I decide that I will pursue opportunities here to grow in ministry and grow with TACF and see where God leads me, still with the intent of someday becoming a pastor.
- I feel in my heart that the season has come to leave my home church, Hillstreams, of more than five years where I've met some amazing, life-changing people whom I will never forget and love very dearly.
- I have the best New Years I've ever had in Northern Ontario in cabins with a whole bunch of awesome people.
January of 2008 (now):
- I return from my best New Years ever to work the next day and have an excellent shift, however, at the end of the shift I am taken to the managers' office to be told that, unfortunately, there is no room in the store to extend my contract.
- I am jobless and confused, and writing a blog called "Purpose without a path provides for a perplexing problem..."
So, yeah, here I am. (Rock me like a hurricane? Sorry, I had to...)
I find myself in a weird place spiritually and otherwise. I was never so content as I was at the end of last year. I had a great job that looked like it was going places, I had (and still have) the best group of friends I've ever had, I had a plans for the year with regards to work and life and church and things look good.
It's funny how we build ourselves a little castle, and one of the bricks at the bottom comes out, and either it's really wobbly, or it all just falls down. Luckily, my castle is still up and standing, and the other bricks are still pretty stable. But, this castle, this paradigm, it's built with many different factors, and work is one of them. I built this plan based on all of the elements in my life, all supporting and working with each other. And now that one is seemingly missing, or different, the entire plan begins to look a little different, a little less complete.
I chose the title of this blog for a particular reason, because it's what I feel like I'm facing. I still have that goal of what I want for my life, and I think I know what it will look like (according to the desires of my heart and what God has shown me in small bits here and there), but I have no idea on how to achieve it anymore. When I was going to Hillsong, it seemed to be well laid out for me. When I decided to stay in Canada, and everything was smooth sailing, I wasn't so worried about it and was just going to take it one step at a time.
Now, you may be asking yourself, or your computer screen, "Well, what's changed? Just because you lost your job you don't know how to build your life?"
Well, in a sense, no. I still have the same goal, and the other parts of my plans remain, but working, especially at Apple, provided for a very stable plan in my eyes. Now that I face uncertainty about where and how I will be working, and whether or not my next job will be as rewarding and successful as the first, my plans are a little up in the air in some ways.
I still want to move out in six months to a year. I still fully plan on taking the leaderships courses at TACF and starting a small group of my own. I still want to go new places in music and songwriting and relationships and health and a whole bunch more. But I have no clue what to do with my work life. I can't even think of something I'd want to do other than work for Apple now that I've had that dream job.
(All this being said, there is the possibility of going back if business needs change at the Apple Store.)
I don't even know where to look without stooping lower than what I've already achieved. Call me picky, I don't care, but I'm not going back to Egypt (aka Coffee Shops). I'm believing that God is not going to take away to not give back, and to give something better at that! I'm praying, "Lord, please, take me from glory to glory, not from glory to shmory."
I said this to my buddy Jordan last night, and he laughed and said, "Isn't it funny how we try and tell God what to do?"
I guess I need to have more faith...
It's also interesting how much that not only I, but a lot of us, put our strength and hope and etc. in our work. It's our security and our stability. I always try to be thankful and make God my source and my first place of provision. And I do believe that indeed every good and perfect gift comes from the Father, but it's weird how now that this supposed "gift" is taken away, I don't feel so secure in my source anymore. As though God needs Apple...
My friend Jim said to me the other night, "You don't know what's in you until something happens and it all comes up to the surface." Or something to that effect. Wise words, because apparently what was in me was a dependance on the gifts that God gives me instead of God, the giver, himself.
Anyway, just some things to ponder there and a little glimpse on what my life looks like at the moment.
Take care all, Happy New Year!
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